The Gibson ES-335

This is the only blog post I ever rerun. My wife and I wrote this together while on vacation in Mexico at Christmas in 2015. Every year I reread it thinking it’s kind of dopey and every year I rerun it because it’s not as dopey as I remember. Here you go. If it’s too dopey, too bad. You’ll get it again next year.

The Night Before Christmas at OK Guitars

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the pad

I was playing my Gibson- not great, but not bad.

I remembered a blues lick and played it with flair

Just like in the days when I had all my hair.

The block necks were hung not too tight or too loose,

As I waited for Santa inside my caboose.

I had them all tuned and I played every one.

The truss rods were perfect, the strings tightly strung.

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All of a sudden on the roof of my shop,

I spied an old fat dude just reeking of pot.

He fell off the roof and into the snow.

I asked him right in. Why he came, I don’t know.

There was ice in his beard and mud on his boot,

And I thought only rock stars could wear such a suit.

He took down a red one, just like Eric C.

His fingers flew faster than old Alvin Lee.

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It was wailing and screaming all over the town.

I could hear my Dad yelling, “Turn that damn thing down!”

Who knew this weird guy, such a flash with a pick

And a love of guitars, would be old Saint Nick?

I couldn’t believe all the sounds in my ear.

He said, “You get good working one day a year.”

Now Jimi, Now BB, Now John, George and Paul

Would bow to this master, the best of them all.

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“You remember that Christmas back in ’63?

When you found a new six string left under your tree?

You started to doubt that I was the truth,

But my gift to you then was a link to your youth.

So for all of the years that would come in between,

Way deep down inside, you’d still feel like sixteen.”

He picked up some cases by Lifton and Stone,

Some old Kluson tuners and a worn out Fuzztone.

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“Now, Charlie Gelber you must hear my pitch,

‘Cause this is my time and payback’s a bitch.

The 335 please, the red 59.

I gave you your first one, now this ax is mine”.

And quick as a flash it was stuffed in his sack,

And he waved a goodbye as he snuck out the back.

He jumped in his sled and sparked up a j,

Flew into the sky and was off on his way.

So if feeling sixteen is what sets you right,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

By Charlie and Victoria Gelber

With apologies to Clement Clark Moore

How would this look under your tree? It’s a 59 ES-335 in red. Gibson says they made 15 of them-all special orders. Eight, maybe nine have surfaced. This is the latest and it sure would make a nice present (for you of course). This one is already sold but there are still five or six out there and Christmas is still a couple of weeks away.

Before I rerun the annual Christmas poem, I thought I’d do one original post to commemorate the season… I keep rather detailed records of the guitars I buy and sell and over a number of years (23 to be exact) certain trends have emerged. One of the most puzzling is “the most wonderful time of the year…” For reasons that I can only speculate about, I don’t sell many guitars in December. It has been my slowest month more often than not (with August right behind it) and I’ve tried to figure out just why that should be. After all, it’s the busiest month for most retail sellers of just about everything. I have some theories, none of which have any real proof and are the result of just speculation on my part.

Theory number one: Buying a vintage guitar as a gift for a collector is a fool’s errand. This is true no matter what month it is and since just about everybody is buying gifts in December, it makes sense that vintage guitars would be a great gift. But they’re not. For collectors, the make, model, year and condition are all important factors. How many gift buyers actually know what his or her partner collects or what is missing from the collection or needs an upgrade? Not many. Vintage guitars can be very expensive and collectors don’t buy the “cheapest one out there” of a given model that they collect. They are more likely to want the best one out there and that means a bargain is pretty unlikely. Buying for a player is also fraught with danger (ok, not real danger, just errors). The guitar that you play for pleasure or in order to make a living is about as personal a gift as you could buy. You’d have better luck buying underwear than a guitar for a serious player. The only guitar I can see that would make a great gift is a first guitar for someone who wants to learn to play…perfect Christmas or Hannukah gift. But I don’t sell guitars for beginners so maybe the slowness of the season is me and not the buyers.

Theory number two: Given theory number one, the folks who would really want a vintage guitar for Christmas know that if you drop a hint to your partner about what you want, you are not likely to get it. If you tell him or her that you want a 59 Gibson ES-335, you will probably either end up with a reissue (“I’m not spending $80,000 on a guitar!”) or a beater (“I’m not spending $80,000 on a guitar!”). Or maybe you’ll get a 59 ES-125 (well, it was close). Anyway, you won’t get what you want. Better to wait until January and buy what you want than depending on someone else (who doesn’t know anything about guitars) to get it for you. Interestingly, January is often my busiest month. Possibly for that reason or possibly because a lot of folks get their year end bonus in January and it just burns a hole in their pocket. Or, they just didn’t get that guitar for Christmas.

Theory number three: Folks are so busy shopping for everybody else that the person who just might think about getting you a vintage guitar is too busy to do the research and knows that it will be all wrong anyway and will get returned. In that sense, it’s a lot like buying a tie or a scarf for a gift. You know he or she will return it anyway but at least you aren’t showing up empty handed.

If you’re reading this, you could be the person expecting to buy a vintage guitar at some point in which case, you’ll buy it when you’re ready. Or you might be the person hoping to get one as a gift. News flash…you aren’t getting a vintage guitar for your holiday gift. You’re getting a tie. And you’ll hate it. And you’ll stick it in the closet with the rest of the awful ties you’ve gotten because you’re too lazy to return it. Then you’ll go online in January and find just the guitar you want and you’ll say to your partner…”I love it. It’s just what I was hoping for. Thank you.”

Here’s my dog, Zoubi (named for the French song “Zou Bisou Bisou.”) It’s tough to play without opposable thumbs but she manages. Rocker Spaniel?